I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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