I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
