ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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