I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
