Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
