we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
