AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
