nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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