sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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