I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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