Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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