I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Vodka?
Forever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
