Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
