we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
