I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
