why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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