Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
