Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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