Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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