I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
