Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
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time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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