Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
