ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
