I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
