dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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