every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize