She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
