i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
