you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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