Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
