woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Are we still banned from the library?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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