Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
