Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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