Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
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More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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