Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
