Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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