I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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