Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
