We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize