my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
