So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
