btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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