chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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