who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
