Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
