My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
