Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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