You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
