Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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