Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
