I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
