the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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