If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
