What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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