i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize