like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
