Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days