Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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