Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
