fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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