Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
